"Don't record me!": Meta wants to stop Glassholes prying, perving and pirating

Smart glasses are among the most sinister pieces of consumer tech ever devised, turning every wearer into a surveillance cyborg that can quietly capture audio and video without their victims' knowledge.

Now Meta has revealed the latest stage of its plan to cut down on the social harm caused by Glassholes in a patent application for tech that automatically disables cameras and microphones in sensitive locations or when someone says: "Don't record me."

The word Glassholes first entered the lexicon when Google released its hated Glass device, which first introduced the world to the concept that antisocial pigs genuinely wanted to go about their day with surveillance devices strapped onto their face.

Quite rightly, Google Glass was a failure. But that lesson didn't stop Mark "Zuck" Zuckerberg from pushing forward with his own plan to foist smart glasses onto consumers in the form of Meta Glasses.

Which, we're delighted to report, have become known as "pervert glasses" and have been opposed by everyone from Vogue to British courts, which banned smart glasses in August 2026 over recording and privacy concerns.

Sadly, that hasn't stopped Glassholes, who are still out there on the streets surreptitiously filming innocent people and attempting to cover their sleazy tracks.

Over the weekend, Meta told an Irish broadcaster that creeps were covering up an LED light that shows the glasses are in recording mode and even drilling holes to stop other people from realizing they were snooping. To stop this, the camera is now disabled when the light is obscured.

But that's not all. Machine has dug out a new patent showing that Zuck has big plans to stop weirdos from using smart glasses to film women without consent, record whatever unmentionable things happen in public toilets, or record sports, art, or other commercial material.

Big Zucker is watching

The application, published on October 22, 2026, describes a system that can automatically disable microphones when smart glasses enter restricted areas.

It builds directly on an earlier Meta patent application filed in 2023, which resulted in a patent granted in August 2026 for technology designed to automatically disable cameras in locations where recording is prohibited.

Meta's tech identifies these "virtual restricted use zones" in several ways, including GPS-based geofencing, computer vision systems that can spot signs forbidding photography, and microphones that listen for spoken objections from sensible folk who don't want Glassholes filming them.

In pictures published as part of the patent and shared here, Meta gives the example of people wandering into public toilets with their smart glasses on. If the invention is ever rolled out, it could mean glasses are prohibited from recording whenever they detect a restroom sign.

Similarly, if someone tells a wearer to stop filming, the device could recognize phrases including "stop recording," "don't record me," or "no cameras allowed" and shut down its recording equipment.

The technology could even recognize sounds associated with private activities, such as flushing toilets or "intimate communications," using them as signals to restrict recording.

Meta also describes a system of virtual boundaries that would warn users when they approach a restricted area, then disable recording when they cross into it.

It even covers personal privacy zones that let people set an invisible boundary around themselves, preventing compatible devices from recording when they get too close.

Users could also designate their homes as private areas and grant trusted friends or family members permission to record within otherwise restricted zones.

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Revenge of the Glassholes

Which sounds great - but don't hold your breath to see it implemented.

Apple patented similar technology a decade ago - and it never became a standard iPhone feature.

In 2016, Apple was awarded a patent for technology that would let authorities or venue operators remotely disable iPhone cameras using infrared signals.

The idea was that concert venues, museums, and other locations could transmit commands to nearby iPhones, preventing users from taking photographs or recording video.

A message reading "RECORDING DISABLED" would appear on the screen when someone attempted to use the camera.

This technology would've been a powerful weapon against the Citizen Stasi who go around looking for bad behavior and wrongthink, then shaming perpetrators online.

By disallowing recording in designated areas, it may also have helped to combat other video phone nasties such as filmed violence in schools or creepshots taken on the tube.

READ MORE: Meta is using AI to make NPCs more human, less robotic and hopefully not quite as ridiculous

But that didn't happen. We are still very much surveilled, with bullies, weirdos, sleazebags and the Citizen Stasi still very much enjoying their ability to film anywhere in public - then share their recordings to a massive worldwide audience.

So, unfortunately, Glassholes will keep on creeping, and the rest of us won't be able to do anything about it.

That means we have to put up with them filming unsuspecting strangers, while the rest of us are left relying on a tiny LED and the good manners of people who apparently need reminding not to record inside public toilets.

What a wonderful world.